Day 1 to the rest of my life...

Here we go,

Recently, my sister informed me that she and our Aunt Tammy made a deal, an agreement towards a major life change, with the goal of living in mind. I realized that i have the same battle laid out in front of me that my sister does...and i've been trying to put off fighting this battle for a long time. It's time to win the war.

I am twenty-two years old...and i don't feel like i am capable of living the same life that most twenty-two year old's are. i used to love so many active activities...basketball, dancing, walking for fun, jumprope. Now i can't breathe. My side hurts. i'd rather stay inside. i'd rather sit down. i don't want to be this person anymore.

So that's it then...Time To CHANGE! i don't feel that this is an option. i am committing slow suicide, and at the rate i'm going, the people i love now, and the people i'll love later will have to watch me self-destruct. No more, i choose a different future.

Although i admire the approach my sister has taken, i do not feel capable of the same thing. she is watching her calories, trying to stay motivated to exercise...and thus far, she's doing an excellent job; however, my self-esteem can't take another fail on my part, i've tried it slowly, i've tried it quickly, i've done it right, and i've done it wrong...This Time Will Be DIFFERENT!

As Eminem said...."Success is my only Mother Fuckin option, Failure's not."

I went to see a doctor today. i've optained a weight loss aid. I need help. I need a net to catch me when i fall. i know what could be in your head, cause it was in mine. These pills are not a cure-all. When i stop taking them, if i haven't changed myself..i gain it all back. There's an element of danger. I know all this...and i'm doing it anyway...think of how desperate i am. desperate for change. FOR LIFE!

This is my plan. According to my BMI...i am about 125 lbs overweight....which translates to morbidly obese. 125 lbs is one hell of a hill to climb by myself...and like i said, i can't handle another failure. i don't want a fad diet, commercialism, industry...NO. i don't want that. What i want is to be healthy. i want to excercise. i want to eat a whole hell of a lot better than i have been. i want to use food as nourishment, and not as a crutch or something to do when i'm bored. i want to be active. i want to buy clothes off any rack anywhere. i want to shock people. i want to shock myself. and i want to keep it all off. every bit of it. i will SUCCEED.

So this is it, my declaration. I am taking back my life...I am making it my own, and i am going to find happiness, one pound at a time. One step forward everyday, because I only have ONE life to live...and i don't want to live this way anymore!