Well day 20...i screwed up.

So...trying to get back on the wagon...did good yesterday...did good this morning...did really really bad just now. Mcdonalds i hate you. i tried to fight that craving for 2 hours...i didn't win this particular battle. i actually really overdid it. now i'm having a food conscience. oh yea chicken nugget meal with a mcflurry...yup, and i don't feel better. i feel worse.

i even called for help before i actually went...but i'd pretty much already decided. see the thing is...the grease makes me flimmy. i don't like the way that feels. i don't like the way it feels to have to swallow twice. ugh...that's something only a fat person, or a sick person would understand. anyway...i feel bad. i feel small failure. it's just so hard now...i have a fresh idea of what i'm getting ready to go through with the cravings and the withdrawals and stuff...and i don't want to do the hard part again. but i'm obviously going to keep moving forward with this....i'm not gonna give up....and the more i give in to this crap...the more times i'm gonna have to start over. i'm not for that.

Here's the thing...i hate mcdonalds. i have this dream that someday i'm going to take a stand against fast food. i just can't believe this is what my world has come to..i can't believe i'm having issues with turning down food that makes me feel bad. it makes me hurt...it makes my stomach upset, it makes my throat flimmy, it makes me feel guilty...ugh!!! and i swear it's addictive. i know it is...why else would anyone willingly take in all that grease, and salt on a regular basis. I work at hardees for example...right now we have little fliers that someone can buy for a dollar, and that dollar will go towards the research of breast cancer. i'm not saying that's a bad thing, that's a very important thing. but heart disease is the number 1 killer, right? so..here, donate a dollar towards the research of breast cancer...and i'll hand you a heart attack on a bun for the same price. seriously? seriously? omg! i feel guilty sometimes...i feel like i should protest. i feel like fast food is too prominent of an industry...why isn't there a huge movement to stop this?
alright, riss...pick it back up!