Well, last night i was successful in beating my cravings and staying on track. it was a tough night though, really. i'm getting ready to start my period, and i wanted to eat everything, without mercy. i've noticed i really do hate the discipline part of this...the control. that nagging little fat part of me that wants chocolate keeps wishing i could just do what i want, and not pay so much attention, and just not care...but i do. and when i start thinking about how bad i want french fries and ice cream and chips and stuff...then i start thinking about how bad i want to back up in pants sizes, and how bad i want to look good in pictures, how bad i want to feel good about myself and buy whatever clothes off whatever rack i want to!
it doesn't make it easy, but it makes it possible. i'm freaking worn out though. i worked last night, all night...then this morning...and i'm emotional...shew..everytime my headset beeped i wanted to throw it, and fall to the floor, and just sit there and scream and cry...oh shit it was awful! i would have been okay if everyone saw my tantrum, i would have been okay if i got fired, i looked for reasons to walk out the door...it was just bad.
anyway, since i am getting ready to start my period, i have decided not to weight myself this week. it sucks because it's my first week and i want to see those results...but it is a widely known fact that when you start your period, you gain a few pounds of water weight. i don't want to get on the scale and get discouraged. so i'm gonna wait until i'll know exactly what i've lost. looks like my first weigh in will be at week 2. like i said, i've taken a before picture...and there will be an after. i was thinking about making a photo album of every week...eh...we'll see. i'd rather not have anyone see the before picture....until there is an after haha. ok, well...that's it for now.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Day 5...toughen up.
Well...i knew this day would come. i'm getting ready to start my period, the pill helps but it is not cutting out my appetite as well right now. This is where i have to step up, this is where it's on me. so far, i'm being good. i just realized last night how many things i used food for. just to take up time. i would eat, and if someone wanted to go grab something to eat with me, i would eat again. i've definitely hit an emotional nerve these last few days. I'm still on board, this is just where shit is getting real for me. Nothing i've done for my entire life will be changed easily...i'm entering the beginning of the hard part.
i did take my 'before' picture today. makes me excited. there's gonna be an after...and i can't wait.
i did take my 'before' picture today. makes me excited. there's gonna be an after...and i can't wait.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Day 4....ZUMBA ZUMBA!!!
Well well...look at me on day 4, hehehe. Day 3 ended fabulously by the way, i've behaved myself much better than i ever expected to, and guess what!?
TODAY IS ZUMBA DAY!!!
I get to go exercise today, as of right now zumba is one of the exercises i'm doing once a week. then i'm playing basketball and working out on my Dad's exercise bike. so, it's just twice a week, but i'd really like to add yoga here soon...one day a week. then we'll see where i stand after that. i just don't want to make myself sore everyday of the week, lol. I think yoga is excellent for women especially looking for that lean figure and strength training that won't make you too bulky. plus, it's good for focus and flexability. so, that step number....well, hell, i don't know, but that's what's coming next.
Just tried some Fiber One cereal for my 'breakfast.' i cut up a banana and put it in the cereal, which helped out a little with the taste cause the cereal itself is kinda...bland. wierd texture. Anyway, one half a cup is 57% of your daily fiber, hey hey hey.
As for the pills...still feeling good. i know this is a good side effect, but the cotton mouth is kinda driving me crazy lol. i've talked to some other people that have taken this particular pill, and they all say the cotton mouth never goes away. i've been drinking so much water it's ridiculous. i easily drink, (when i say easily, i mean i don't have to force it at all.) about 130 ounces of water a day. That's crazy right?! i chew gum sometimes to calm it down a little bit, but eventually, that dries out, haha. oh well, maybe after a lil while, i won't be going pee every 15-20 minutes.
TODAY IS ZUMBA DAY!!!
I get to go exercise today, as of right now zumba is one of the exercises i'm doing once a week. then i'm playing basketball and working out on my Dad's exercise bike. so, it's just twice a week, but i'd really like to add yoga here soon...one day a week. then we'll see where i stand after that. i just don't want to make myself sore everyday of the week, lol. I think yoga is excellent for women especially looking for that lean figure and strength training that won't make you too bulky. plus, it's good for focus and flexability. so, that step number....well, hell, i don't know, but that's what's coming next.
Just tried some Fiber One cereal for my 'breakfast.' i cut up a banana and put it in the cereal, which helped out a little with the taste cause the cereal itself is kinda...bland. wierd texture. Anyway, one half a cup is 57% of your daily fiber, hey hey hey.
As for the pills...still feeling good. i know this is a good side effect, but the cotton mouth is kinda driving me crazy lol. i've talked to some other people that have taken this particular pill, and they all say the cotton mouth never goes away. i've been drinking so much water it's ridiculous. i easily drink, (when i say easily, i mean i don't have to force it at all.) about 130 ounces of water a day. That's crazy right?! i chew gum sometimes to calm it down a little bit, but eventually, that dries out, haha. oh well, maybe after a lil while, i won't be going pee every 15-20 minutes.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Day 3...whoa buddy!
Well...i'm on day 3!!! and i'm super excited!!! Seriously, i know it's only been three days, and i wasn't expecting to sing praises to these pills so early...but i have so much energy. finally, jitters are no more, it's just pure energy and hyper...ness, lol!
Alright, Day 3, here's the scoop. i had a plain junior bacon cheeseburger today :( i'm not gonna beat myself up for that though, i had it with a salad, and i was only able to eat half of it (the burger). Anyway, i then went grocery shopping...and i got some super awesome food: yogurt, oatmeal, bran cereal, egg whites, salad, and i just realized i forgot to get nuts. shit. oh well, day 3 is off to a good start! yay!
Alright, Day 3, here's the scoop. i had a plain junior bacon cheeseburger today :( i'm not gonna beat myself up for that though, i had it with a salad, and i was only able to eat half of it (the burger). Anyway, i then went grocery shopping...and i got some super awesome food: yogurt, oatmeal, bran cereal, egg whites, salad, and i just realized i forgot to get nuts. shit. oh well, day 3 is off to a good start! yay!
Day 2...at its end
So...you remember when i said my days' ends and beginnings will be weird? well, i just got off work...and i will be going to bed soon, so this is the end of my day 2.
just so you know, i probably won't be writing two of these a day, but i do want to keep my progress well-documented. I AM SO EXCITED!!!
I had the most amazing epiphany last night while i was at work. i knew it already, but the truth of it sunk in officially. when i got my pills, the doctor also gave me a 1400 calorie/per day diet with three different meals for seven days plus a whole lot of snack options. looking through this packet, i noticed there were some foods i liked, and some i would never touch...but what was weird..is that nearly all the choices mapped out for me, are choices i would have very rarely made before my declaration. That's sad. i do like some healthy food...so why didn't i ever eat it? EVER?
I can't really answer that. What i do know, is I have a lot of work to do, and a lot of learning to do if i'm going to keep this weight off after the pills. I have been drinking a whole lot of water, and it's not hard to do right now because of the cotton mouth. Eating is interesting. i try to keep my senses aware to when i'm no longer hungry. i try not to get full. Also, i have an immense desire to exercise. Granted this is only day 2, but things are looking good.
Due to my epiphany....i am a little nervous now. i thought a healthy diet would be common sense...but i have life-long habits that i need to change. i don't want to take chances. plus, i don't like to cook a whole lot. i'm a sucker for convenience food. i'm willing to take up cooking to an extent, but that is a downer for me, so i would like to figure out some ways to fix food fast. One step at a time, one heck of a climb....
BUT I CAN'T WAIT!!!! :)
just so you know, i probably won't be writing two of these a day, but i do want to keep my progress well-documented. I AM SO EXCITED!!!
I had the most amazing epiphany last night while i was at work. i knew it already, but the truth of it sunk in officially. when i got my pills, the doctor also gave me a 1400 calorie/per day diet with three different meals for seven days plus a whole lot of snack options. looking through this packet, i noticed there were some foods i liked, and some i would never touch...but what was weird..is that nearly all the choices mapped out for me, are choices i would have very rarely made before my declaration. That's sad. i do like some healthy food...so why didn't i ever eat it? EVER?
I can't really answer that. What i do know, is I have a lot of work to do, and a lot of learning to do if i'm going to keep this weight off after the pills. I have been drinking a whole lot of water, and it's not hard to do right now because of the cotton mouth. Eating is interesting. i try to keep my senses aware to when i'm no longer hungry. i try not to get full. Also, i have an immense desire to exercise. Granted this is only day 2, but things are looking good.
Due to my epiphany....i am a little nervous now. i thought a healthy diet would be common sense...but i have life-long habits that i need to change. i don't want to take chances. plus, i don't like to cook a whole lot. i'm a sucker for convenience food. i'm willing to take up cooking to an extent, but that is a downer for me, so i would like to figure out some ways to fix food fast. One step at a time, one heck of a climb....
BUT I CAN'T WAIT!!!! :)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Day 2...a lil weird
So...I knew these pills would have an affect on me right? Well, damn. i'm drinking water like a fish, i don't even want anything else because the pills give me such bad cotton mouth. then...i get hungry, and absolutely nothing sounds good...at all. but i eat something to make the hungry stop and i'm full after about a third of what i used to eat. not sure about the energy yet, like i can still feel that i'm tired..but my eyes don't feel like they're going to close and i don't feel like i'm going to fall over...so...so far so good. i've been eating salad...just went and bought some fruit and celery...
i'm pretty excited!
i'm pretty excited!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Day 1...so it starts.
Alright Followers,
Since i work third shift...and for a few days a week..first shift, lol, my days' ends and beginnings are going to be difficult to follow. i am getting ready to go to work, i've taken my dosage thus far, and i exercised for a total of twenty-five minutes today. my dad has an old exercise bike that works your arms, back, and legs. i did that for about ten minutes, and then played basketball by myself. I kept my heart rate up about the whole time. Also, my friend Christina and I are going to do Zumba once a week, and those sessions last an hour. i'm definitely going to try to fit in another cardio session at some point in my week...but as of right now i'm not sure when that will be. i might have to stop being sore first, haha. i also get a lot of walking in at my jobs, so that's something too.
Day one is always easier than day three, and day three is easier than day seven, and usually by day seven, i'm ready to throw in the towel. Not this time, if i fall off the horse, i'll jump right back on, this is for real, this is a fight to the end, and i refuse to be knocked on my ass!
Since i work third shift...and for a few days a week..first shift, lol, my days' ends and beginnings are going to be difficult to follow. i am getting ready to go to work, i've taken my dosage thus far, and i exercised for a total of twenty-five minutes today. my dad has an old exercise bike that works your arms, back, and legs. i did that for about ten minutes, and then played basketball by myself. I kept my heart rate up about the whole time. Also, my friend Christina and I are going to do Zumba once a week, and those sessions last an hour. i'm definitely going to try to fit in another cardio session at some point in my week...but as of right now i'm not sure when that will be. i might have to stop being sore first, haha. i also get a lot of walking in at my jobs, so that's something too.
Day one is always easier than day three, and day three is easier than day seven, and usually by day seven, i'm ready to throw in the towel. Not this time, if i fall off the horse, i'll jump right back on, this is for real, this is a fight to the end, and i refuse to be knocked on my ass!
Day 1 to the rest of my life...
Here we go,
Recently, my sister informed me that she and our Aunt Tammy made a deal, an agreement towards a major life change, with the goal of living in mind. I realized that i have the same battle laid out in front of me that my sister does...and i've been trying to put off fighting this battle for a long time. It's time to win the war.
I am twenty-two years old...and i don't feel like i am capable of living the same life that most twenty-two year old's are. i used to love so many active activities...basketball, dancing, walking for fun, jumprope. Now i can't breathe. My side hurts. i'd rather stay inside. i'd rather sit down. i don't want to be this person anymore.
So that's it then...Time To CHANGE! i don't feel that this is an option. i am committing slow suicide, and at the rate i'm going, the people i love now, and the people i'll love later will have to watch me self-destruct. No more, i choose a different future.
Although i admire the approach my sister has taken, i do not feel capable of the same thing. she is watching her calories, trying to stay motivated to exercise...and thus far, she's doing an excellent job; however, my self-esteem can't take another fail on my part, i've tried it slowly, i've tried it quickly, i've done it right, and i've done it wrong...This Time Will Be DIFFERENT!
As Eminem said...."Success is my only Mother Fuckin option, Failure's not."
I went to see a doctor today. i've optained a weight loss aid. I need help. I need a net to catch me when i fall. i know what could be in your head, cause it was in mine. These pills are not a cure-all. When i stop taking them, if i haven't changed myself..i gain it all back. There's an element of danger. I know all this...and i'm doing it anyway...think of how desperate i am. desperate for change. FOR LIFE!
This is my plan. According to my BMI...i am about 125 lbs overweight....which translates to morbidly obese. 125 lbs is one hell of a hill to climb by myself...and like i said, i can't handle another failure. i don't want a fad diet, commercialism, industry...NO. i don't want that. What i want is to be healthy. i want to excercise. i want to eat a whole hell of a lot better than i have been. i want to use food as nourishment, and not as a crutch or something to do when i'm bored. i want to be active. i want to buy clothes off any rack anywhere. i want to shock people. i want to shock myself. and i want to keep it all off. every bit of it. i will SUCCEED.
So this is it, my declaration. I am taking back my life...I am making it my own, and i am going to find happiness, one pound at a time. One step forward everyday, because I only have ONE life to live...and i don't want to live this way anymore!
Recently, my sister informed me that she and our Aunt Tammy made a deal, an agreement towards a major life change, with the goal of living in mind. I realized that i have the same battle laid out in front of me that my sister does...and i've been trying to put off fighting this battle for a long time. It's time to win the war.
I am twenty-two years old...and i don't feel like i am capable of living the same life that most twenty-two year old's are. i used to love so many active activities...basketball, dancing, walking for fun, jumprope. Now i can't breathe. My side hurts. i'd rather stay inside. i'd rather sit down. i don't want to be this person anymore.
So that's it then...Time To CHANGE! i don't feel that this is an option. i am committing slow suicide, and at the rate i'm going, the people i love now, and the people i'll love later will have to watch me self-destruct. No more, i choose a different future.
Although i admire the approach my sister has taken, i do not feel capable of the same thing. she is watching her calories, trying to stay motivated to exercise...and thus far, she's doing an excellent job; however, my self-esteem can't take another fail on my part, i've tried it slowly, i've tried it quickly, i've done it right, and i've done it wrong...This Time Will Be DIFFERENT!
As Eminem said...."Success is my only Mother Fuckin option, Failure's not."
I went to see a doctor today. i've optained a weight loss aid. I need help. I need a net to catch me when i fall. i know what could be in your head, cause it was in mine. These pills are not a cure-all. When i stop taking them, if i haven't changed myself..i gain it all back. There's an element of danger. I know all this...and i'm doing it anyway...think of how desperate i am. desperate for change. FOR LIFE!
This is my plan. According to my BMI...i am about 125 lbs overweight....which translates to morbidly obese. 125 lbs is one hell of a hill to climb by myself...and like i said, i can't handle another failure. i don't want a fad diet, commercialism, industry...NO. i don't want that. What i want is to be healthy. i want to excercise. i want to eat a whole hell of a lot better than i have been. i want to use food as nourishment, and not as a crutch or something to do when i'm bored. i want to be active. i want to buy clothes off any rack anywhere. i want to shock people. i want to shock myself. and i want to keep it all off. every bit of it. i will SUCCEED.
So this is it, my declaration. I am taking back my life...I am making it my own, and i am going to find happiness, one pound at a time. One step forward everyday, because I only have ONE life to live...and i don't want to live this way anymore!
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