Well well...it's been a while since i've done this. a lot has happened, i don't even really know where to start. Right at the beginning of week 2, like day 10...i got very sick. crazy swollen tonsil, couldn't eat, i was put in the hospital a week ago. now during all this i had to stop the pills, i had to stop the exercise, i had to eat whatever i could get down...which was a lot of popcicles and ice cream. a week ago...i had lost 16 pounds...i'm thinking most of that was the sickness...or at least half of it. now, i'm 11 pounds lighter than where i started. yea..started at 246..now i am at 235.
Anyway...now that i'm mostly not sick anymore, haha, i have to get back on the diet wagon...and it sucks. it's the way things usually go though isn't it...if you don't get in your own way...something from the world will go ahead and knock you right off your horse. Which means that you have to do the next toughest thing to hanging in there...you have to start over your progress...go through the withdrawals again, build up the time again, and get back to where you are used to eating healthier...instead of thinking of all the things you'd rather be eating. this makes me crabby. not to mention...one of my prescriptions is a steroid...makes me want to eat all the time, ugh.
i'm also feeling stressed because i really really really don't want to work two jobs anymore. it's zero fun. i'm always dreading something. ya know what i mean? there is never a day when i'm not dreading something. it feels so heavy. but i need the money. i need to save. i don't know what to do, i know i'm not happy...i know i need some sort of peace about all this, but i can't see that working two jobs is ever going to work for me, and i can't see quitting the second one...and freaking out about money, and needing a new car, and trying to save off one paycheck...that doesn't sound very peaceful either. STRESS.
i just want my time back. my time to clean my room, to sit around, or exercise, or spend time with my boyfriend, especially with everything he's going through right now. he just lost everything in the crazy flood the other night. he's sleeping on his brother's couch and he basically has to start over from scratch. i want to be there for him and help him, and i don't have much time to do it. it makes me want to cry to think that i have to be at work at 6am. i feel like i need to come to a resolution about this soon...if i don't, i'll end up leaving the 2nd job in a way that i don't approve of...i don't want to make a snap decision about this...i just feel like it's crushing me. well anyway...that's where i stand right now.
time to climb back up again...this is that moment of truth where i will stick with it or try it again tomorrow..then tomorrow..then the day after that. come on rissa...let's get it done
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